Halloween Costume Considerations

Now that it’s October, it’s time to start thinking about that greatest of all holidays, Halloween.  And thoughts of Halloween inevitably lead to thoughts of costumes, that most important aspect of that greatest of holidays.

After several years of careful observation of costumes at various Halloween parties, I’ve discovered that there are several important rules to consider when choosing and assembling one:

#1: The Costume should not interfere with your ability to use the bathroom.

This really ought to go without saying, but we all need a sanity check when we get excited.  Take a step back, and think to yourself “Can I really take care of everything I might need to do while strapped into this iPod costume?”

#2: The Costume should not inhibit your ability to consume beer.

This, too, really ought to go without saying, but time and time again, people overlook this important consideration.  

#3: The Costume should not rely on any ‘unstowable’ props to be recognized.

Props are an integral part of many costumes, of course, but if you need them for character recognition, and can’t attach them to your body in some convenient way, they will only serve to frustrate you.  Plus it will end up violating Rule #2 before too long.  NB: This rule also covers Other People.  Now, don’t get me wrong, partner and ‘team’ costumes deserve all sorts of bonus points, but if your cadre wanders away, and suddenly your costume doesn’t make any sense, then what?

#4: The Costume should not hinder your ability to ‘hook up’ during a Halloween party.

This includes any and all potentially embattled interpretations of the colloquialism ‘hook up’ (looking at you, Katie, Lauren.)  This kind of situation might be the furthest thing from your mind when costume inspiration strikes, but it never hurts to be prepared.  Keep in mind that this isn’t limited to physical encumbrance… I don’t care how long you spent meticulously crafting your Geordi LaForge unitard and VISOR, there are very few parties you could attend where you aren’t violating this rule on both counts.

Of course, there is some overlap to these; violations of #1 are likely concurrent with violations of #4.    I welcome photographic evidence of these considerations being ignored.  I also welcome examples of the Geordi LaForge clause of #4 that are less Heteromasculocentric.

The Politics of Group Race Signup

Several members of the Tri Club expressed an interest in traveling to New Orleans for the first-ever New Orleans 70.3 in early April.  Emilie and I were immediately excited about the idea, as it would work rather well with our Louisville scheme.  In an attempt at solidarity among the self-styled “Travel Team” subgroup of the club, we began recruiting Dave to come with us.  Since we have already twisted his arm rather extensively for the Louisville madness, he is convinced we are attempting to kill him.

First, a bit of background:  Dave is convinced that he is a terrible swimmer, and as such, requires a wetsuit to prevent inevitable drowning.  This presents a problem, as the Louisville race (IMKY) will be wetsuit-illegal, with 99% likelihood.  To counter this, Dave has been pushing Florida as a wetsuit-legal alternative.  After our recent Washington fiasco, we’re not interested in tempting fate by shipping bikes again, when we can easily drive to Kentucky.

Now, as pressure heats up from all members who are signing up for New Orleans 70.3 (NO 70.3), Dave has taken a different tack; trying to kill us right back, except by means of Horrible Running™ instead of ever-more challenging swims.  This started with solicitations to join him in a marathon in Grand Rapids this fall, and has more recently evolved into attempting to play both sides against the middle to trick us into a mountainous duathlon.

With the first fee-increase for NO 70.3 coming up monday, Emilie was trying to talk Dave into coming along:

Jonathan: ok, I am all registered for NO 70.3

Emilie: yay!

Emilie: i’m working on dave

Emilie: but he is convinced that he is going to be eaten by an alligator

Emilie: description of lake pontchartrain:  “Now I will have nightmares about tidal waves infested with sharks coming after me. Probably with alligators on their backs. And balls of fire ants in their mouths.”

Then, I get a message from Dave:

Dave: you people are trying to kill me!!

Dave: no wetsuit at IMKY; alligators, sharks, jellyfish and fire ants at NO 70.3

Dave: what’s next an actual T-Rex at the T-Rex tri next year??

Dave: 70.3 and 140.6 are hard enough without adding the wrath of nature going against me.

Now Dave begins a classic pincer move to recruit us as Duathlon participants:

Dave: so you’re going to do the American Zofingen then?

Jonathan: here’s the thing

Jonathan: the thought of a Duathlon, kind of makes me want to hit somebody

Dave: Emilie wants to do it, I told her that I’d do it if you do it.

Meanwhile, I receive this from Emilie:

Emilie: dave is claiming that you want all of us to do that stupid duathlon

Jonathan: Dave: Emilie wants to do that duathlon, I told her that I’d do it if you do it.

Emilie: me:  that sounds positively AWFUL

Dave:  Jon says we should all do it

me:  what?

me:  that horrible duathlon

Dave:  yeah for sure, I said that I’d do it if you do.

me:  you lie!

Caught!  I inform Dave that the jig is up:

Jonathan: I will murder you for slander 🙂

Jonathan: hahah, though 10/10 for style in playing both sides against the other

Jonathan: Emilie: dave is claiming that you want all of us to do that stupid duathlon

Jonathan: 😀

Dave: Note to self: wait until only one of them is online before pitting them against each other.

I have no idea if anyone else will find this amusing, or even be able to follow what happened, but I don’t really care.  I’m tickled.  If you do find this amusing, how do you and your buddies sort out which races to do together?  Are you all equally insane on the same axes, or is this a common scene?