Don’t Go In The Water

During Dave’s gambit to trick Emilie and I into signing up for the American Zofingen, he cited an unlikely collusion of nature’s fury as reason to avoid New Orleans 70.3:

Now I will have nightmares about tidal waves infested with sharks coming after me. Probably with alligators on their backs. And balls of fire ants in their mouths.

I decided I should commission a rendition of this situation by my fantastic artist friend Charles. For good measure, I asked to have included Dave’s NYC nemesis, jellyfish.  The results are stunning:

A summary of Dave's stated swim fears

Alligators riding sharks, breathing fireants. In a tidal wave. With Jellyfish. (click to enlarge)

 Thanks Charles!  If you’re in the Atlanta area and need illustration, animation, design, or life coaching, make sure you check out his site.

The Politics of Group Race Signup

Several members of the Tri Club expressed an interest in traveling to New Orleans for the first-ever New Orleans 70.3 in early April.  Emilie and I were immediately excited about the idea, as it would work rather well with our Louisville scheme.  In an attempt at solidarity among the self-styled “Travel Team” subgroup of the club, we began recruiting Dave to come with us.  Since we have already twisted his arm rather extensively for the Louisville madness, he is convinced we are attempting to kill him.

First, a bit of background:  Dave is convinced that he is a terrible swimmer, and as such, requires a wetsuit to prevent inevitable drowning.  This presents a problem, as the Louisville race (IMKY) will be wetsuit-illegal, with 99% likelihood.  To counter this, Dave has been pushing Florida as a wetsuit-legal alternative.  After our recent Washington fiasco, we’re not interested in tempting fate by shipping bikes again, when we can easily drive to Kentucky.

Now, as pressure heats up from all members who are signing up for New Orleans 70.3 (NO 70.3), Dave has taken a different tack; trying to kill us right back, except by means of Horrible Running™ instead of ever-more challenging swims.  This started with solicitations to join him in a marathon in Grand Rapids this fall, and has more recently evolved into attempting to play both sides against the middle to trick us into a mountainous duathlon.

With the first fee-increase for NO 70.3 coming up monday, Emilie was trying to talk Dave into coming along:

Jonathan: ok, I am all registered for NO 70.3

Emilie: yay!

Emilie: i’m working on dave

Emilie: but he is convinced that he is going to be eaten by an alligator

Emilie: description of lake pontchartrain:  “Now I will have nightmares about tidal waves infested with sharks coming after me. Probably with alligators on their backs. And balls of fire ants in their mouths.”

Then, I get a message from Dave:

Dave: you people are trying to kill me!!

Dave: no wetsuit at IMKY; alligators, sharks, jellyfish and fire ants at NO 70.3

Dave: what’s next an actual T-Rex at the T-Rex tri next year??

Dave: 70.3 and 140.6 are hard enough without adding the wrath of nature going against me.

Now Dave begins a classic pincer move to recruit us as Duathlon participants:

Dave: so you’re going to do the American Zofingen then?

Jonathan: here’s the thing

Jonathan: the thought of a Duathlon, kind of makes me want to hit somebody

Dave: Emilie wants to do it, I told her that I’d do it if you do it.

Meanwhile, I receive this from Emilie:

Emilie: dave is claiming that you want all of us to do that stupid duathlon

Jonathan: Dave: Emilie wants to do that duathlon, I told her that I’d do it if you do it.

Emilie: me:  that sounds positively AWFUL

Dave:  Jon says we should all do it

me:  what?

me:  that horrible duathlon

Dave:  yeah for sure, I said that I’d do it if you do.

me:  you lie!

Caught!  I inform Dave that the jig is up:

Jonathan: I will murder you for slander 🙂

Jonathan: hahah, though 10/10 for style in playing both sides against the other

Jonathan: Emilie: dave is claiming that you want all of us to do that stupid duathlon

Jonathan: 😀

Dave: Note to self: wait until only one of them is online before pitting them against each other.

I have no idea if anyone else will find this amusing, or even be able to follow what happened, but I don’t really care.  I’m tickled.  If you do find this amusing, how do you and your buddies sort out which races to do together?  Are you all equally insane on the same axes, or is this a common scene?